My sisters have been interviewing their children.  This is my favorite part.

R: Do you like your new house?

A: Yeah, I do…I pooped!

Last night’s episode of The Simpsons had one of the better exchanges I’ve ever heard on the show:

Bart: Why don’t you go pick on someone smaller and weaker?

Jimbo: Yeah.  Let’s go down to Sunshine Preschool and wail on some toddlers.

Kerny: We can sneak up on them why they’re napping.

Later, Bart and Nelson were sitting on a bluff together.

Nelson: I like to come up here and make fun of the sunset.  Hey Gas Ball; You suck!

At the end as Nelson rode away on his bike he turned around to Bart and said: “Ha Ha; I touched your heart!”

This week’s sampler is all about cartoons. I hope you enjoy it.

• AllSimps.com has what appears to be a complete collection of Simpsons Episodes. Though they say they don’t host the files, I’m sure it’ll only be a matter of time before they get the dreaded cease and desist letter. I just finished watching one of my all time favorite episodes, Catch ‘em if You Can, from season fifteen. Here are a few favorite lines.

Bart: Wicca is just a Hollywood Fad.
Lisa: That’s kabbalah jerk!

Here’s another:

“Take a hike you Shatner stealing Mexico touchers.” - Canadian Coast Guard to US Coast Guard.

• This site has a very impressive collection of quotes from the Tick animated series that used to air on Comedy Central. You can find entire episodes without too much effort on YouTube or Google Video. Some favorites quotes:

Gravity is a harsh mistress.

You’re not going crazy. You’re going sane in a crazy world!

I’m betting that I’m just abnormal enough to survive.

Well once again we find that clowning and anarchy don’t mix.

Y’know, evil comes in many forms, whether it be a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin, but you can’t let the package hide the pudding! Evil is just plain bad! You don’t cotton to it. You gotta smack it in the nose with the rolled-up newspapaer of justice! Bad dog! Bad dog! And you don’t do it for money. No! You do it for love! You know, I’ve learned something this week… on justice and on friendship, there is no price. But there are established credit limits.

You know, come to think of it, I’m not afraid of ants. I never was. It’s just when they all come running out of a lady’s pants like that… yech, creepy. And isn’t sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you’re good and crazy, ooh ooh ooh, the sky is the limit!

Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once! Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope! And you’ve got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception!

That’s it for this week.

I’ve added a few new quotes to the random quote in the upper right.? If you refreshed the site over and over you’d eventually see them all I guess, but this is much more efficient.

“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.”?? - Gustave Flaubert

“We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think.”? - Buddha

“I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”? - Groucho Marx

“We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.”?? -?? Will Rogers

“Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.”? - Oscar Wilde

“No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.”? - Michael Pritchard

“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.” - Mark Twain

“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work, I want to achieve it through not dying.” - Woody Allen

“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” - Sir Winston Churchill

“I date this girl for two years — and then the nagging starts: ‘I wanna know your name…’” - Mike Binder

“When I turned two I was really anxious, because I’d doubled my age in a year.
I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I’m six I’ll be ninety.” - Steven Wright

“When I have one foot in the grave, I will tell the whole truth about women. I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me and say, ‘Do what you like now’.” - Leo Tolstoy

The Italians had an election this week where they barely managed to vote out their crazy Primie Minister Silvio Berlusconi.? Though he’s still refused to concede, in the end he’ll no doubt leave office.? For those of you who don’t follow world politics here’s a run down.

Berlusconi is the worlds 25th richest person with an estimated 12 billion US dollars.? He helped found the Center-right party which won a majority in the 1994 elections just a few months after the party came into being.? He was elected Prime Minister but failed to hold his government together but was elected again in 2001.

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A few years ago Bill Bryson wrote a book called A Brief History of Almost Everything. It sounded interested so I got myself added to the waiting list at the library and picked up a few of his other books to pass the time.

I’m not going to go into all my thoughts on Bill Bryson here. I will say that while I like most of his works, I don’t think I’d like him as a person very much. He seems arrogant and prejudice and can’t keep his politics to himself. But I do keep reading him because of jewels like this:

Only the day before in Maine I had seen a sign in a McDonald’s offering a starting wage of five dollars an hour. Harvey must have been immensely moronic and unskilled - doubtless both - not to be able to keep pace with a sixteen-year-old burger jockey at McDonald’s. Poor guy! And on top of that here he was married to a woman who was slovenly and indiscreet, and had a butt like a barn door. I hoped old Harvey had sense enough to appreciate all the incredible natural beauty with which God had blessed his native state because it didn’t sound as if He had blessed Harvey very much. Even his kids were ugly as sin. I was half tempted to give one of them a clout myself as I went out the door. There was just something about his nasty little face that made you itch to smack him. - Bill Bryson, The Lost Continent, pg 165

“Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.”
–Paul Rodriguez

“The only difference between a white girl and a black girl is if a black girl asks if her (butt) looks big, you better say yes.”? (as heard on NBC’s Scrubs)