Jul 01
Heather sent me this bad boy.
Freaking brilliant.
Apr 20
Mar 10
I used to hate math but the older I get the more I see the attraction of a system of rules and logic that make for predictable solutions. My job has forced me to embrace math in ways I’d never imagined possible. I’m responsible for making sure all the numbers line up; financials, performance indicators and staffing all rest on my shoulders and all boil down to equations in a spreadsheet. Maybe I should say I heart Excel….
My improved relationship with the mathematics has influenced my sense of humor as well. I actually get some of the math jokes in XKCD comics, I used a math joke in my Facebook status update the other day (Jeremy is thinking of a number between Absolute 0 and the square root of -1) and, though not really math, I think Craig Damrauer’s New Math site is one of the funniest websites I’ve ever seen.
Selected favorites:
Layed off = It’s not you, it’s me + Job
Nepotism = Who’s your daddy / Ability
Brunch = Breakfast + Lunch + Cantaloupe
Good Dog = Bark / Bite
Bad Dog = Bite / Bark
Uncle = Dad + Fun
Credit Card = I can’t afford it – I can’t afford it
Good Meeting = (Time Saved / Time Wasted) + Snacks
Bad Meeting = (Time Wasted / Time Saved) + Snacks
Car Jacking = Can I borrow your car? – No you can’t
Life Insurance = God Forbid + Jackpot!
Feb 05
Bill Gates, long time passive evil doer is no longer a sleeper cell. In what can only be described as a mediocre coming out as a Super Villain, Bill Gates released a jar of mosquitoes into a crowd of conference goers.
I brought some. Here; I’ll let them roam around. There’s no reason only poor people should get malaria.
Held hostage in the conference, FaceBook senior platform manager Dave Morin managed to post a cry for help on Twitter.
Bill Gates just released mosquitoes into the audience at TED.
The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation assures the public that the mosquitoes were actually malaria free. I’m left to wonder though; When will Bill’s terrorist ambitions be out of beta? When is Mosquito Majave going to launch?
Source: Fox News
Feb 02
Sort of…I guess. Whatever. Don’t force your days of the week on me.
- I found a site called iloveyoumorethanblank.com. Here are some favorites:
I love you more than…
- …you love being popular.
- …I love my ex.
- Golden Girls
- Mr. T pities fools
- I’m still torn on family guy but this is funny.
- And while it’s normally not funny at all, Lio was brilliant today. I put the comic after the jump, just to be obnoxious.
Jan 11
I can’t believe it’s been over a week since my last post. I was doing so well!
Here’s a Sunday Sampler…cause I’m lazy.
- David Sop has some great baby handling tips that are posted here.
- Dan Quayle has a reputation for being a moron thanks to a disrespectful punk kid at a grade school. He didn’t however quip that he’d wished he’d studied Latin in school so he could have spoken to people on his tour of South America. Check out the true story of how this came to be (boring) and some actual Dan Quayle quotes that helpe’d him solidify his reputation for being an idiot.
- As long as we’re talking about Latin, check out the Handy Latin page over at the MIT website.
That’s it kids. I promise I’ll do better. I’m also posting over at the other site too.
Dec 11
It’s been a long time since I played You Don’t Know Jack. We used to play in my apartment on Brown Avenue in Cleveland so it’s been at least ten years. I did alright, $17,606.
Dec 11
Dear Governor Blagojevich,
I understand that you are in the unique position, for at least the next few days, to appoint someone to fill the seat left vacant by President Elect Barack Obama and, at this time, you have not yet made your selection. I would like to have my name added to the list of possible candidates; candidate six, if you will.
Here’s what I’m prepared to offer:
- 1 McDonald’s Arch Card with a balance of $11.83
- Lifetime rights to ride shotgun (my car only)
- A mix CD of my favorite songs, with track titles neatly printed on front
- 1 case of Diet Mt. Dew (only 11 cans)
- 1 1987 Poison tour t-shirt
- $27.19 in cash
Please let me know soon as I feel this may be an opportunity of limited duration for us both.
Thank you for your consideration,
Jeremy
Dec 07
I know I’ve been no more reliable about posting these days, other than short rants about how I’m trying to upgrade the software. Anyway…
While poking around the web tonight I discovered a web comic written by comedian Scott Meyer, Basic Instructions. Like most of the humor I point out, it is pretty dry stuff. I can’t say everyone will like it.
Here are a few some I really enjoyed.
- How to introduce people
- How to customize your cellphone
- How to deal with someone who doesn’t like you
- How to get the most entertainment from your video game dollar
- How to recognize a bad idea
- How to reveal a shocking truth to someone who is not ready for the truth
- How to counter the old “there’s something on your shirt” trick
- How to tell your spouse about your day
- How to exhibit good form
- How to avoid a pointless argument
- How to wrap a gift
- How to shake hands
- How to talk to a new parent
- How to discuss popular music
- How to find a job that suits your interests
May 16
My sisters have been interviewing their children. This is my favorite part.
R: Do you like your new house?
A: Yeah, I do…I pooped!