She had her two children with her, Daniel and Genevia, ages three and six, which naturally held heavy influence over what we did. We just had one day together and spent most of it at the museum and the Chic-fil-a play area.  We spent time at the house talking with our conversations constantly interrupted by children. We waited until the children were in bed before we watched movies and had more adult conversations.

All in all I had a family experience. I was out of the house before eight on Monday morning to go to the grocery store, I sat in the car with sleeping children and spent much of my time being climbed on by Daniel and Genevia.

I cherished every minute of it.

And now that it’s over, now that Heather and her wonderful offspring are off to Heather’s parents for Christmas, I miss them.

For thirty-six hours I had everything I ever wanted.  It’s like getting to lick the spoon but never, ever getting to eat the cake.

T called and we got to talk for about thirty minutes before demands on both of us required us to cut the conversation short.  Earlier in the week I receieved a package from her containing Grace Cathedral Park!  If you haven’t listened to this album yet they still stream the entire thing on their webpage.  Check it out.  (T also asked that I update my Wish List so she can start Christmas shopping.  I updated it with a few items this morning.)

After lunch with my parents and grandmother (a Saturday standard practice) I went to the zoo with J, P and their kids.  While watching the keepers feed the gorillas, one of the kids said it looked like they were eating poop.  A keeper came out and showed the kids what the animals were being fed.  She explained that she “heard one of the kids say that they were eating poop and she wanted to come out and show that they weren’t.”  She smiled at the adults and said, “that’s not to say they won’t.  They’re just not right now.”

While coming upon the big cat exibit my nephew wanted to look at the tigers.  My niece saw a sign for the lions and begged us to hurry.  “The king of the jungle is right down there and you guys want to stop to talk to his secretary.”

Dinner was at a Mexican restaurant followed by cake at my parents’ house.  There were presents and cards and singing and more than a few tears though only from the younger set this year.

Thanks to everyone who sent wishes and cards and gifts.

R: Do you like your new house?

A: Yeah, I do…I pooped!

So when I turned sixteen and started going out into the world on my own a bit, I was faced with a brand new social scene. I did not fit in.

I was maybe sixteen when I changed schools. I was angry and rebellious, though I still have no idea what I was rebelling against, so it was almost inevitable that I would fall in with Naomi, the Mormon Goth-girl who for whatever reasons ended up at a small fundamentalist Christian school.

Naomi was a lot of firsts for me. I won’t go into all of it, though nothing really happened. I will say that she was much more overtly sexual than I was ready for at that age. She was my first friend who smoked, did drugs and had casual sex. She was the first girl I’d ever encountered that took offense to having a door opened for her. She considered herself a modern woman, independent and free of the shackles of chivalry. And it was this that was hardest for me to get my head around.

I still don’t understand the need for a woman to constantly show off her independence to the point that she refuses the smallest gestures of kindness from a man. I do not hold the door open because a woman is unable to do it for herself; I do it because it’s polite. I do not pay because I have to feel I’m taking care of you, I pay because I want to.

When we entering a room and you feel my hand in the small of your back, its not to show ownership over you. It’s to let you know that I’m there with you; I’m behind you. These gestures that you’ve come to see as misogynistic are my way of saying what I can’t always say

There are some other things you should know. When we walk down the street I will always be on the street side with you on the building side, unless we are walking by an ally when I will either move to the other side or fall a half step behind you. When you leave the table I will do a little half standing gesture and will not eat until you get back. I will almost always drive, but that’s just because I really like to drive.

At the time I was starting to see Diana I had a weird physically platonic, emotionally involved relationship with this girl named Heather. For some unknown reason I was driving up to Ohio to see this girl every few weeks, just to hang out and see the sites.

One Friday before I was to leave for Ohio I called Diana and asked if she wanted to hang out. I had some errands to run and thought it’d be nice to spend a little bit of time together before I left. When I could offer nothing more than shoe shopping and a haircut she declined.

Even then this bothered me and here’s why. When I’m seeing someone, it really doesn’t matter at all what we’re doing. I enjoy the company, not the environment. Sure there are things that I’d like to do on an outing, or date if you will. I enjoy going to see bands, going to the movies and browsing bookstores but if the company is good I’ll go shopping for tampons and everyday underwear and have the time of my life.

For me it’s about time spent with that person I’m seeing, especially in those early days. You get to see the person in their everyday, their element if you will. Their guard is down, their hair is down and you can really see who they are.

So if we’re seeing each other and you decide you can’t hang out because you have to go grocery shopping, invite me along. We’ll make an outing of it.

I used to have no trouble meeting people. In my Cleveland (TN) days there seemed to be a steady stream of girls I was interested in and no shortage of those who had an interest in me as well. I even dated a few of them. Things were great. In the immortal words of Breakfast with Amy; “Everything was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt.”

(I am no doubt oversimplifying. There was plenty of pain as well. But we’re going to cover a lot of the specifics in later posts so just deal with it. I’m trying to paint a freakin’ pretty picture here if you don’t mind.)

So what happened? I’m going to oversimplify again for the sake of brevity as I’ve yet to get around to this post’s topic. Through a series of rather hurtful events with girls I thought I would spend the rest of my life with I became a bit bitter. Oops, I oversimplified again. I was pissed at the female gender, all of it, everyone from Eve to my own mom.

Now a few months ago I started talking to this girl I used to work with. It started with email and things went well. We decided to get together and things went really well. So here’s the point. I’d actually forgotten how much I enjoyed going out with someone. The memories of that feeling you get when you learn something new and exciting about that person your interested in had long left me, they’d been covered by all the bad endings.

While we were eating dinner the conversation was relaxed and easy, flowing from topic to topic and always interesting. No matter how much I learned, I had a hunger for more knowledge of this lovely girl who’d for some reason agreed to go out with grumpy old me.

I don’t think I’m making myself clear. Maybe this will help. I had feelings of nostalgia for the evening an hour into it.

And so the first date led to a second and a third and now We’ll have to see what happens next. Right now we’re ‘friends’.

To be honest I really don’t know how I feel about things anyway. It’s not that I don’t like her cause I really, really do. She’s funny, smart and gets me. She’s got a good soul, a good heart. She’s beautiful, exactly my type physically.

Then there are the things that send up the warning signs. She’s really over-committed a couple of jobs, volunteer work, the community, motherhood And then there are the personal issues that are hers to bear for a season.

I started this post by saying I was tired of being single. I’m twenty-nine years old and I am tired of eating alone, I am tired of showing up solo and I am tired of sleeping in a cold bed.

So here’s what I’m doing. I’m going to post a series of blogs that really lay my cards out on the table. Hopefully someone I know will read it and will think, “Hey! You know who’d be perfect for ‘Chuck’?” It’s a long shot and an excuse to practice some self-indulgence for a bit.

And if you read this and you don’t know me, but you’d like to, feel free to message me or leave a comment. Whatever.

So, watch for more posts. They’ll come.