To say I grew up in church would be a gross understatement. There were spans of my life where I literally spent more time at the Oak Ridge Church of God than I did at home and school combined. For the vast majority of my young life I didn’t do a single social thing that didn’t involve the church in some way.

So when I turned sixteen and started going out into the world on my own a bit, I was faced with a brand new social scene. I did not fit in.

I was maybe sixteen when I changed schools. I was angry and rebellious, though I still have no idea what I was rebelling against, so it was almost inevitable that I would fall in with Naomi, the Mormon Goth-girl who for whatever reasons ended up at a small fundamentalist Christian school.

Naomi was a lot of firsts for me. I won’t go into all of it, though nothing really happened. I will say that she was much more overtly sexual than I was ready for at that age. She was my first friend who smoked, did drugs and had casual sex. She was the first girl I’d ever encountered that took offense to having a door opened for her. She considered herself a modern woman, independent and free of the shackles of chivalry. And it was this that was hardest for me to get my head around.

I still don’t understand the need for a woman to constantly show off her independence to the point that she refuses the smallest gestures of kindness from a man. I do not hold the door open because a woman is unable to do it for herself; I do it because it’s polite. I do not pay because I have to feel I’m taking care of you, I pay because I want to.

When we entering a room and you feel my hand in the small of your back, its not to show ownership over you. It’s to let you know that I’m there with you; I’m behind you. These gestures that you’ve come to see as misogynistic are my way of saying what I can’t always say

There are some other things you should know. When we walk down the street I will always be on the street side with you on the building side, unless we are walking by an ally when I will either move to the other side or fall a half step behind you. When you leave the table I will do a little half standing gesture and will not eat until you get back. I will almost always drive, but that’s just because I really like to drive.